I’m Living with an Otaku NEET Kunoichi!? – Episode 1

Content warnings: Predatory “psycho lesbian” character; a whole lot of crotch and thigh shots (mildly NSFW).

What’s it about? When a kunoichi (female ninja) rescues office worker Tsukasa from a falling steel beam, he learns that he’s being targeted by otherworldly monsters called Yoma due to his “warrior’s blood.” The kunoichi, Shizuri, offers to protect him in exchange for room and board. But, plot twist: Shizuri is a gamer shut-in who only wants to laze around all day!

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Technically, NEET Kunoichi is two short episodes stapled together to form a full-length show. On the bright side, this means we get to hear the boppy opening theme twice. On the shady side, it also means we have to review it. And man, what a show to mark my first premiere writeup in almost two years! Thank you, NEET Kunoichi, for reminding me that anime really is Like This sometimes.

The majority of this premiere is a pretty aggressively forgettable, medium-horny rom-com. The fantastical premise takes a backseat to our main couple getting to know each other, but unfortunately it’s less “boy meets girl” and more “self-insert meets fantasy girlfriend.”

Tsukasa is an unseasoned potato wedge of a man compared to Shizuri’s goober geek energy. Admittedly, Shizuri isn’t much better: the “slob gamer girl” is a familiar archetype at this point, and she isn’t doing anything new with it, but she’s at least trying to be zany. The poor gal doesn’t have anything but bland niceness to play off for most of the episode, though, leading to dull chemistry and repetitive jokes.

Even the animators couldn’t be bothered to draw Tsukasa with more than the barest minimum of features. Honestly, the funniest thing about this premiere is the contrast between Tsukasa’s napkin-sketch design and the craftsmanlike attention given to the ninja girl crotches and thighs.

Neither the “rom” nor the “com” is strong in this premiere, and the camera cannot stop leering at Shizuri’s thighs, but my main takeaway over the first 15-ish minutes was “Eh, I’ve seen worse.” In the current anime landscape where buying a girl at a slave market gets passed off as a meet-cute, there’s something a little charmingly retro about “entering into a willing contract with a cute bodyguard who’s also kind of a mess.”

Tsukasa doesn’t have much personality, but he is an equal partner, handling the majority of the housework in exchange for Shizuri’s protection. He enjoys cooking and is thoughtful to Shizuri’s hobbies, playing games with her and buying her gifts that match her interests. As Shizuri warms up to Tsukasa, she also starts to consider his feelings and offers to help out with the chores. It’s bland, but it’s not an awful depiction of a domestic partnership.

And then Ayame enters the chat.

That nametag attached to Ayame’s cameltoe ain’t kidding. She is the “Psycho Lesbian” trope played without a shred of irony. She stalks Shizuri, tries to control her life, has a straight-up on-screen orgasm when Shizuri fights back, and then gets punted into the stratosphere. The scene manages to hate queer women and fetishize them in the same breath, and so unashamedly that I almost forgot to feel disgusted about it.

Almost.

Although, real talk? NEET Kunoichi isn’t worth my disgust, because disgust is memorable, and I have better things to remember. For example, I’ve been getting into Harlem Renaissance literature recently. Nella Larsen’s Quicksand? Commit to memory! NEET Kunoichi? Not so much. So let’s all skate right past this premiere, confining it to the dust bin where it was destined to go in a few weeks anyway. That’s really all it deserves.